I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
