it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
