This girl is more easily done than said...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
