I need to stop coming to work sober
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
