..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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