So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
