those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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