That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
