Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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