how can u be prego again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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