I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
