just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
