it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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