we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
