Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
