I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
