You work out of a Hotel?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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