I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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