chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
