# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
