Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize