my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
