not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
