Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
