am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
