im having a threesome with these popsicles
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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