Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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