Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
