when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
