I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this is an emotional support booty call
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
