Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
