Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dick very happy bro
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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