Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She bit a glass in half.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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