I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
