Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
