Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
