she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
