my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
