i just google imaged poop.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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