i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
