I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
