i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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