i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
