Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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