community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
