Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
