I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
