oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
