Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
