perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
