singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
