apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The air was thick with penises
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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