More tranny stories later!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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