I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
