things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
