Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
