dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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