I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
