I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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