You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bit a glass in half.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
