just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize