Please, let me fuck your mom
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
