I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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