I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
