I can text with my tongue
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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