this beer tastes like vomit already
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize