remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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