Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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