I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
