In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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