People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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