that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
