man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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