I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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