im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
